...I think that could go for many people, not just the younger ones among us. Some of the elders should learn to lean on others a little more, as well.
[ like he keeps reminding aerith. but iwatooshi knows the same applies to himself, as well - he's so used to taking care of imanotsurugi that it's harder to think of what he needs, sometimes. ]
Like an engraving on the tang. [ softly, because he's not really expecting aerith to understand that? but it's probably the best way for him to. ] Something we just have to carry with us for the rest of our existence. It seems like such a sad thing, though.
[ carrying every tragedy that left a mark on you... he knows many spirits who've suffered under the weight of such things, and now several mortals, thanks to this place.
...he gives a soft laugh. ]
You sound a little like Kogitsunemaru-dono, you know. But I don't think I'm very good at following that advice. Putting it all into words is... difficult, at best. And so much has happened here.
I can think of a couple, yeah. [both of them, for one. but people like karlach, too. lucas, in a way. the ones who are used to being the glue to hold their friends together.
she doesn't quite understand, judging by the way she tilts her head, but she seems okay with that so long as it's something iwatooshi himself understands.]
It is. It can be. [she won't deny that carrying around that sort of fractured pain isn't sad, and that it doesn't hurt, but at the same time it's just a part of who you are.] You learn how to carry it, and you learn how to let other people help you carry it, too. Even if it's always something you're working toward.
[there's a little smile anyway.]
Is that such a bad thing? [to sound like someone familiar.] I understand though...sometimes the best we can hope for is being able to process at all, let alone try to verbalize it. But sometimes it's easier to understand and find words when you try to share the burden with someone else. They might have the words you're looking for. Or maybe that's just been something I've noticed.
You make it sound so easy, Aerith-dono. [ but he understands, he thinks. ] Imanotsurugi and I were still learning how to do that, before he left. It’s the best thing that we can do for each other here, isn’t it? To try, at least.
[ smiling, he shakes his head. ]
It’s not a bad thing. He’s a good friend - a very caring one that I often miss. [ but that isn’t the point here, so his expression turns a bit solemn. ] Perhaps you’re right. But by now, I’m not sure I’d even know where to begin trying.
Oh, sorry. [and she genuinely does mean sorry because she realizes sometimes she just says things without thinking through how they may come across.] But you're right. We've talked about this a little before, haven't we? Just doing our best to try. I don't think anyone can say anything bad about people making attempts.
[she looks curious, like she wants to ask iwa more about his friend, but her own expression shifts to match. that's...a loaded question, and she does understand why he's asking. so she takes a moment to herself to think of the best answer.]
For me? I think maybe just...the basics, really. Even if I don't understand why I feel the way I do about things, sometimes just saying out loud "I'm hurting" or "I'm angry" helps to focus on the next step to share. The acknowledgment that you feel it at all is the biggest step.
Mm, you're right. That's the most we can really ask of one another.
[ he listens intently, turning the words over in his head, mulling them over. ]
I think... both of those are true for most of us here. After all that we've been through, I think it would be more surprising not to feel that way. [ as for himself... ] I am hurt. I am angry. I'm frustrated, both with our situation and myself, but I don't know how to move forward from there.
I'd agree with that. Even those of us who can't put it into words likely feel that way. [but she listens, frowning softly when he finally phrases it that way.]
Saying it is a start, especially when you do so much to try and take care of everybody else instead. [...] What frustrates you most about the situation? And yourself? Do you know why?
[ aside from being a weapon, that's the purpose he chose for himself. to always stand beside imanotsurugi and those who need a little bit of extra strength. ]
Being unable to do anything but watch. Knowing what we know and still being unable to help. Not being there to protect them, like I said that I would. [ there's a hesitation here, as his expression breaks and his eyes fall from hers. he's trying to hold it back, clearly, but that goes against what they're trying to say, doesn't it? ] And... And that I wasn't strong enough to fight the monster. If I could have, then maybe - maybe I wouldn't have killed e. Maybe I would've still been able to help, somehow.
[oh...all of this is very familiar to some of the things she's heard from others and even what she's felt herself, but the monster adds a new layer of absolute despair to it all.]
It's hard, isn't it? When all you wanna do is dive through the rift and reach them, and reassure all of them that they'll be alright. Take on their burdens for them. [...] I don't think I'd say it was a matter of not being strong enough though. These monsters and the things they're doing to us...they're meant to take over entirely, no matter how strong or powerful we are.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ like he keeps reminding aerith. but iwatooshi knows the same applies to himself, as well - he's so used to taking care of imanotsurugi that it's harder to think of what he needs, sometimes. ]
Like an engraving on the tang. [ softly, because he's not really expecting aerith to understand that? but it's probably the best way for him to. ] Something we just have to carry with us for the rest of our existence. It seems like such a sad thing, though.
[ carrying every tragedy that left a mark on you... he knows many spirits who've suffered under the weight of such things, and now several mortals, thanks to this place.
...he gives a soft laugh. ]
You sound a little like Kogitsunemaru-dono, you know. But I don't think I'm very good at following that advice. Putting it all into words is... difficult, at best. And so much has happened here.
no subject
she doesn't quite understand, judging by the way she tilts her head, but she seems okay with that so long as it's something iwatooshi himself understands.]
It is. It can be. [she won't deny that carrying around that sort of fractured pain isn't sad, and that it doesn't hurt, but at the same time it's just a part of who you are.] You learn how to carry it, and you learn how to let other people help you carry it, too. Even if it's always something you're working toward.
[there's a little smile anyway.]
Is that such a bad thing? [to sound like someone familiar.] I understand though...sometimes the best we can hope for is being able to process at all, let alone try to verbalize it. But sometimes it's easier to understand and find words when you try to share the burden with someone else. They might have the words you're looking for. Or maybe that's just been something I've noticed.
no subject
[ smiling, he shakes his head. ]
It’s not a bad thing. He’s a good friend - a very caring one that I often miss. [ but that isn’t the point here, so his expression turns a bit solemn. ] Perhaps you’re right. But by now, I’m not sure I’d even know where to begin trying.
Where would you start with something like this?
no subject
[she looks curious, like she wants to ask iwa more about his friend, but her own expression shifts to match. that's...a loaded question, and she does understand why he's asking. so she takes a moment to herself to think of the best answer.]
For me? I think maybe just...the basics, really. Even if I don't understand why I feel the way I do about things, sometimes just saying out loud "I'm hurting" or "I'm angry" helps to focus on the next step to share. The acknowledgment that you feel it at all is the biggest step.
no subject
[ he listens intently, turning the words over in his head, mulling them over. ]
I think... both of those are true for most of us here. After all that we've been through, I think it would be more surprising not to feel that way. [ as for himself... ] I am hurt. I am angry. I'm frustrated, both with our situation and myself, but I don't know how to move forward from there.
no subject
Saying it is a start, especially when you do so much to try and take care of everybody else instead. [...] What frustrates you most about the situation? And yourself? Do you know why?
no subject
[ aside from being a weapon, that's the purpose he chose for himself. to always stand beside imanotsurugi and those who need a little bit of extra strength. ]
Being unable to do anything but watch. Knowing what we know and still being unable to help. Not being there to protect them, like I said that I would. [ there's a hesitation here, as his expression breaks and his eyes fall from hers. he's trying to hold it back, clearly, but that goes against what they're trying to say, doesn't it? ] And... And that I wasn't strong enough to fight the monster. If I could have, then maybe - maybe I wouldn't have killed e. Maybe I would've still been able to help, somehow.
no subject
It's hard, isn't it? When all you wanna do is dive through the rift and reach them, and reassure all of them that they'll be alright. Take on their burdens for them. [...] I don't think I'd say it was a matter of not being strong enough though. These monsters and the things they're doing to us...they're meant to take over entirely, no matter how strong or powerful we are.