[hm...she's not sure if this is her place to press, but she thinks that maybe iwatooshi is similar to some of the others here. people who hold such pain and conflicted feelings, but never share them because people don't ask and they feel like they have to hold it together all the time.]
Should have, perhaps. But are they things you could have done at the time at all?
[it's very minute, but there's a flicker of something in her expression that's a little like uncertainty but also a little like understanding.]
It's...hard to know in that moment. Especially when the last thing you want to do is hurt them. Who wants that? Nobody wants to be the person who hurts the people they love most when you spend so much time protecting them in the first place. [she says, having 0% experience at all. clearly.] I don't know if I'd necessarily blame you for that. Maybe, if you were still thinking it was what was best for him. But seems like you've given it some thought since then.
It is. [ touches his chest briefly. ] These emotions we have make it even more difficult.
...I didn't realize on my own. I was still trying to figure out what to do, but - Mikazuki-dono showed me that what may be kind to me could be cruel to others. It's different for everyone.
...Yes, that was him. Or an illusion of him, anyway.
Mikazuki-dono is a friend and a comrade. He's about as old as I am, but much wiser, I think, and more familiar with humans and why they do the things they do. [ hesitates. ] He takes our mission to protect history very seriously, but... he doesn't mind finding ways around it, either, as long as history remains on course.
Like loopholes. [this will make tuesday with camille even funnier now, actually.] So it's not so much about changing history to him, but more...if there's a way to change the path to get to the same major event, it's a little more okay to change the rules. Something like that?
Loopholes. [ dipping his head in agreement. ] No, it's important that history remains as it's recorded, even to Mikazuki-dono. But "death" in history doesn't necessarily mean losing their lives entirely. It could mean continuing on to live a new life, and leaving the old behind.
[ like our former masters. ]
As I've said before, it's more fluid than most humans know. It can work, but it can be as dangerous as changing history itself if not done carefully.
[she appears to be in deep thought about this. but it is saturday in this thread so no thoughtshare, however it's probably obvious in her expression he's said something that hits her a little.]
Then those things he said must have also felt a little jarring to you. [...] I can understand why to some it would be so tempting to change it when it's right there. Just like I can understand why it's so important to preserve things as they are.
Mikazuki-dono is the one who taught me that history doesn't have to be as straightforward as it seems... so yes, it was, a little bit.
[ there is more that he could say on history or the desire to change things for the better. he'd felt it, too, after all - the utter joy that imanotsurugi felt at seeing his master alive and well, the desperate wish to see them keep living instead of meeting the tragic ends assigned to them by history. even iwatooshi would have loved, so much, to see his former master live out his life happily and safely, but that simply wasn't their mission.
but, something else has been weight on his mind. ]
"We are with the spider-lilies for only a moment, and then we watch them wither away."
[ echoing the first words he'd spoken to them all that day before turning to face her properly. a little afraid of the answer, but iwatooshi can't keep ignoring something like this. ]
He didn't mean our fates in this village, did he, Aerith-dono?
Feels like just another attempt to mess with our heads and make us forget who we are. [more attempts to hurt people, she means, and it frustrates the hell out of her every single time. isn't it already bad enough they're dead (or whtever this state of existence is?) why do they have to keep suffering in other ways?
she's about to say something else regarding mikazuki, but iwatooshi beats her to it. and...she should have known that would be the question. she doesn't respond immediately, but the way her gaze drops slightly for a few moments probably says enough.]
...I suppose not, no. Not if a man like that would know history and how things played out.
It very well could be. Plenty of things in these places have done just that, so why not what we've seen, too?
[ aerith's answer isn't so surprising, now that he's had time to think on what they've seen, and yet his heart still sinks. as if to give her a moment of respectful privacy, knowing what he's asked of her and the weight it holds, iwatooshi turns his eyes away. ]
I don't know how he knows the things he does, but Mikazuki-dono always seems to have the answers.
[ even an illusion, even for something he should have no right knowing. ]
If it's true, then how - how were you first brought here? [ alive enough to breathe, to laugh, to die again. ] Was your history truly changed?
[there's a soft noise of agreement to the first part. "why not", indeed.]
...age, maybe? When you guys have seen as much as you have, you probably learn how to read between the lines and just know. [she appreciates the privacy, but at the same time she sort of knew this was coming eventually. she couldn't exactly hide it forever, as much as she wanted to try.]
I'm not sure of that myself. I've never been able to really find an answer. [...] It's true that Sephiroth...[...mm. well. never mind, she kind of diverts from that to focus on the main problem.] It was recent. Barely a day or two before we came here. And usually when people die, they return to the lifestream. It's where I should have gone, but...I hadn't yet. So maybe that's why?
[she's currently caught in between and to be honest the longer she's here the longer it's freaked her out, and it's also given her time to think "no, i don't want to go yet." being here has been wonderful for meeting new people and spending more time with the people she loves, but worse for thinking about her own fate and what has to be done to stop sephiroth.]
Hah... I wouldn't say that, necessarily, but it's true that he's better at such things than I am.
[ mikazuki thinks of things that would never occur to him in hundreds of more years. ]
So you were still at the crossroads, just as we are now. [ how interesting. but, on another important note... ] Does Cloud-dono know?
[ iwatooshi assumes he does, judging from his reaction to aerith being hurt... but he wants to make sure, to know if he should avoid mentioning it before aerith is ready. ]
You'd know him better than me. [lil shrug.] But that's right. I don't think I realized how much of a crossroads it was...everyone else acknowledged I was gone, but.
[this kinda ties in to the other question and she slowly shakes her head.]
I don't think his mind's accepted what happened. [a burst of rainbow in a blue and marble room, at the altar, a sword raised above her and laying in cloud's arms.] He doesn't seem to know, and even at home he can still see me.
It sounds disorienting. But perhaps comforting, in a way, to be able to reach even one of them, still.
[ he kind of felt that way going on their last mission - knowing that his former master was already dead to history, but seeing him alive, receiving his praise...
he and aerith seem to have so much in common in such strange ways. ]
I'll be careful not to bring it up with him. [ it's not his business, anyway. ] But... I worry how difficult it will be on him, when he learns. Even seeing you injured seemed to be a lot for him.
Yes and no. [she can be honest about that much, because...] I do worry that it's just doing him more harm to be able to see me when nobody else can. And I don't know how to tell him. Yuffie tried to mention it once since we've been here, I think, and it didn't really go well.
[so they've been careful about cloud's soup brain.]
I would appreciate it if you did keep it from him, yes. [seeing her injured really just triggered more of his issues and she knows that, but she does not think he's mentally ready to hear the truth yet either. not to mention a few other factors.] I'll have to tell him eventually. But I don't know if it can be yet.
...it's alright. I always knew my life was never going to be normal because of who I am, so it's about doing what I can with what's ahead of me. I know that. [it's just hard when she's so desperate to protect her friends.]
[ you'd think he'd know better than to judge on looks alone, but he's not used to non-humans outside of the citadel unless they're the ones he's trying to kill. ]
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...No one has said anything like that to me.
[ and he's really not sure how to feel about it now that someone has. conflicted, at best. ]
I don't know if it's true. There are a lot of things I should have done differently before he left.
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Should have, perhaps. But are they things you could have done at the time at all?
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What made you choose to turn away from each choice?
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[ shakes his head. ]
It was selfish of me. I was only thinking of what I believed was good for him, so I didn't see what he really needed.
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It's...hard to know in that moment. Especially when the last thing you want to do is hurt them. Who wants that? Nobody wants to be the person who hurts the people they love most when you spend so much time protecting them in the first place. [she says, having 0% experience at all. clearly.] I don't know if I'd necessarily blame you for that. Maybe, if you were still thinking it was what was best for him. But seems like you've given it some thought since then.
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...I didn't realize on my own. I was still trying to figure out what to do, but - Mikazuki-dono showed me that what may be kind to me could be cruel to others. It's different for everyone.
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...that man who showed up, right? I think I saw him in that memory of yours. [...] Who is he to you anyway?
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Mikazuki-dono is a friend and a comrade. He's about as old as I am, but much wiser, I think, and more familiar with humans and why they do the things they do. [ hesitates. ] He takes our mission to protect history very seriously, but... he doesn't mind finding ways around it, either, as long as history remains on course.
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[that's...an interesting thought.]
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[ like our former masters. ]
As I've said before, it's more fluid than most humans know. It can work, but it can be as dangerous as changing history itself if not done carefully.
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Then those things he said must have also felt a little jarring to you. [...] I can understand why to some it would be so tempting to change it when it's right there. Just like I can understand why it's so important to preserve things as they are.
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[ there is more that he could say on history or the desire to change things for the better. he'd felt it, too, after all - the utter joy that imanotsurugi felt at seeing his master alive and well, the desperate wish to see them keep living instead of meeting the tragic ends assigned to them by history. even iwatooshi would have loved, so much, to see his former master live out his life happily and safely, but that simply wasn't their mission.
but, something else has been weight on his mind. ]
"We are with the spider-lilies for only a moment, and then we watch them wither away."
[ echoing the first words he'd spoken to them all that day before turning to face her properly. a little afraid of the answer, but iwatooshi can't keep ignoring something like this. ]
He didn't mean our fates in this village, did he, Aerith-dono?
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she's about to say something else regarding mikazuki, but iwatooshi beats her to it. and...she should have known that would be the question. she doesn't respond immediately, but the way her gaze drops slightly for a few moments probably says enough.]
...I suppose not, no. Not if a man like that would know history and how things played out.
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[ aerith's answer isn't so surprising, now that he's had time to think on what they've seen, and yet his heart still sinks. as if to give her a moment of respectful privacy, knowing what he's asked of her and the weight it holds, iwatooshi turns his eyes away. ]
I don't know how he knows the things he does, but Mikazuki-dono always seems to have the answers.
[ even an illusion, even for something he should have no right knowing. ]
If it's true, then how - how were you first brought here? [ alive enough to breathe, to laugh, to die again. ] Was your history truly changed?
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...age, maybe? When you guys have seen as much as you have, you probably learn how to read between the lines and just know. [she appreciates the privacy, but at the same time she sort of knew this was coming eventually. she couldn't exactly hide it forever, as much as she wanted to try.]
I'm not sure of that myself. I've never been able to really find an answer. [...] It's true that Sephiroth...[...mm. well. never mind, she kind of diverts from that to focus on the main problem.] It was recent. Barely a day or two before we came here. And usually when people die, they return to the lifestream. It's where I should have gone, but...I hadn't yet. So maybe that's why?
[she's currently caught in between and to be honest the longer she's here the longer it's freaked her out, and it's also given her time to think "no, i don't want to go yet." being here has been wonderful for meeting new people and spending more time with the people she loves, but worse for thinking about her own fate and what has to be done to stop sephiroth.]
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[ mikazuki thinks of things that would never occur to him in hundreds of more years. ]
So you were still at the crossroads, just as we are now. [ how interesting. but, on another important note... ] Does Cloud-dono know?
[ iwatooshi assumes he does, judging from his reaction to aerith being hurt... but he wants to make sure, to know if he should avoid mentioning it before aerith is ready. ]
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[this kinda ties in to the other question and she slowly shakes her head.]
I don't think his mind's accepted what happened. [a burst of rainbow in a blue and marble room, at the altar, a sword raised above her and laying in cloud's arms.] He doesn't seem to know, and even at home he can still see me.
[so that's been. fun and confusing, a little.]
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[ he kind of felt that way going on their last mission - knowing that his former master was already dead to history, but seeing him alive, receiving his praise...
he and aerith seem to have so much in common in such strange ways. ]
I'll be careful not to bring it up with him. [ it's not his business, anyway. ] But... I worry how difficult it will be on him, when he learns. Even seeing you injured seemed to be a lot for him.
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[so they've been careful about cloud's soup brain.]
I would appreciate it if you did keep it from him, yes. [seeing her injured really just triggered more of his issues and she knows that, but she does not think he's mentally ready to hear the truth yet either. not to mention a few other factors.] I'll have to tell him eventually. But I don't know if it can be yet.
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I understand. I don't want to lie, but I won't say what isn't mine to say.
...You're very young to experience the things you have, Aerith-dono. I'm sorry that fate's chosen this path for you.
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...it's alright. I always knew my life was never going to be normal because of who I am, so it's about doing what I can with what's ahead of me. I know that. [it's just hard when she's so desperate to protect her friends.]
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[ that said, there's something he doesn't understand. ]
...Because of who you are?
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[ you'd think he'd know better than to judge on looks alone, but he's not used to non-humans outside of the citadel unless they're the ones he's trying to kill. ]
It makes that much of a difference for others?
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