Lilium Derived from Latin lilia, which may have come from a corrupted pronunciation of a word from an extinct Eastern Mediterranean language Humility, devotion, restored innocence after death
"Lovers used to give these when they were reunited."
[ ...it wasn't real. he thinks it, but it still takes him a while to answer; ]
I killed you. I wasn't trying to. [ he says the second part quickly, like it's important she knows he never even considered that an option. ] That... scientist, controlling you, he moved you in the way. I couldn't... stop in time.
okay well. most of the time she never really would think cloud would try to kill her, so this makes sense. there's a faint blip of hojo? because literally who else would she think of when cloud says scientist? her expression doesn't really change though, looking at him quietly as if she's absorbing this news.]
...it wasn't real. [she'll just repeat it out loud even though there's a tinge of guilt there because, well, she is in fact still dead. but it's fine, cloud doesn't need to know that.] You wouldn't hurt me on purpose. You and I both know that.
[ the hojo blip gets a huff out of him. looked alike. because all mad scientists look the fuckin same, but. that doesn't last.
it doesn't last because his tone turns disparaging; ]
Like I wouldn't hurt Tifa? [ he stares at his hands instead of her as he says it, the rest part sounding like it's wrenched out of him: ] Like--whatever happened with the black materia?
[ like it felt like he was going to, when she was praying, and he doesn't know why he had his sword out like that still. it--he stopped sephiroth, but it felt like he was fighting himself for a bit, and he doesn't know why.
[mmmm....dislike. dislike! we are flying too close to the sun here, icarus, and she's very quiet because it's not like she can dispute these things. those happened. they both know those things happened, and the more she things the more uncomfortable it feels. her gaze drops to her lap, fingers knotted together as she tries to find the right words.]
It wasn't real. [she can at least repeat that much. she thinks it'd be an insult to him to just deny those other two things happened, but he'd snapped out of it. she doesn't fully understand either, but she's starting to realize, maybe, that it has something to do with sephiroth. his vicinity to cloud, some way that he's able to control him and she wants to fight him so fucking bad oooooooh. but she can't. not like this. not when she's not sure if it'd hurt cloud, too.] You came back.
[and what she means is "you came back from being controlled", but saying it feels hard.]
[ what happens when I don't? he thinks, but he doesn't say it. instead he breathes in and out and tries to shake it off. this... isn't about that. she's right. it wasn't real, and more than that, it was an accident. that part. ]
... That scientist. He was saying you guys were dead already. That if we broke off his control, you'd just go back to that.
[ so it's lingering in his mind like a niggling thought, in between the bursts of WHEEEEE hope. he saved aerith back then. right? ]
I don't know who the others were that round. Kanda's friend I recognized, but that's it.
[there's a . . . over her head when he says that, and a little bit of frustration in her thoughts.
"Do you get tired of your death being used to hurt the people who care about you?"
she had said yes when the question was asked, and this does nothing to change her mind now. she scoots a little closer, baby chocobo settling behind her and she chews the inside of her cheek for a moment.]
We know these things are just meant to hurt us however they think they can. Like what happened in the bar last week, too. And what happened to everyone that first week in the city of the dead. [man.] Were you able to stop the scientist at all?
[ it's his turn to have the ... over his head, though he does nothing to put distance between them when aerith gets closer. ]
I know that. [ said a little quietly. even though he knows it wasn't real and meant to hurt doesn't mean it didn't. uh. work. it worked. so moving on: ] I killed him. But... they'd warned us there'd be consequences if we attacked him. They had... hostages. Pickles, Laudna and some people Aventurine and Kanda knew from home. Since I killed that guy, they made us choose between them and someone else who would get to live. Yuffie. Karlach. Nehan. Lavi. We made our choices, and then they made us fight whoever we didn't pick.
[ do you know he's not going to tell this to anyone else but aerith ]
[well she didn't think he'd willingly go "yeah yuffie can die", so it was more just confirmation for daan and aventurine.]
...probably wasn't easy, huh? It wasn't a real fight, but you probably didn't know it while you were there, right? People have said all of it feels so real. Were they also being controlled?
And that's why you asked me if he was alive. [god. would love if people stopped dying...] ...what did you and Daan do then? They...if they died, there wasn't a way to revive them while you were there, was there?
[glancing down at his chest where the hole was, frowning again.]
...thank god for Daan, right? [light, because that's their doctor friend and she's still worried about him, too.] Think you can remember what the dream was? What kinda choice?
There was this... [ the black...? no. ] egg. It was an egg. If I let it hatch, it'd unleash something... bad. But you'd be revived. And when I did it--I got this vision--we were together, and we were facing it, but I knew we'd be fine.
[ it felt great and there's nothing ominous at all anywhere in there!!!!! ]
[yeah she's immediately giving him a look with that thought because we don't need to think about the black materia right now. but...hm. wait. fuck. hold on.]
You hatched the egg...and I came back to you? And we were able to fight this terrible thing because we were together. [she's repeating this slowly because her brain is not soup, she absolutely sees the parallels in this and wants to perish.]
[ she carefully cups his face and doesn't even come close to the claw mark there. this does nothing to stop the sudden onset of pain and while cloud's face barely scrunches up the thought is there-- ow--again? ]
Mm. [ ow, ow, ow, it's taking him a second to form words as he tenses but it's just. pain. ] I know.
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[ ...it wasn't real. he thinks it, but it still takes him a while to answer; ]
I killed you. I wasn't trying to. [ he says the second part quickly, like it's important she knows he never even considered that an option. ] That... scientist, controlling you, he moved you in the way. I couldn't... stop in time.
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okay well. most of the time she never really would think cloud would try to kill her, so this makes sense. there's a faint blip of hojo? because literally who else would she think of when cloud says scientist? her expression doesn't really change though, looking at him quietly as if she's absorbing this news.]
...it wasn't real. [she'll just repeat it out loud even though there's a tinge of guilt there because, well, she is in fact still dead. but it's fine, cloud doesn't need to know that.] You wouldn't hurt me on purpose. You and I both know that.
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it doesn't last because his tone turns disparaging; ]
Like I wouldn't hurt Tifa? [ he stares at his hands instead of her as he says it, the rest part sounding like it's wrenched out of him: ] Like--whatever happened with the black materia?
[ like it felt like he was going to, when she was praying, and he doesn't know why he had his sword out like that still. it--he stopped sephiroth, but it felt like he was fighting himself for a bit, and he doesn't know why.
(did he stop sephiroth?)]no subject
It wasn't real. [she can at least repeat that much. she thinks it'd be an insult to him to just deny those other two things happened, but he'd snapped out of it. she doesn't fully understand either, but she's starting to realize, maybe, that it has something to do with sephiroth. his vicinity to cloud, some way that he's able to control him and she wants to fight him so fucking bad oooooooh. but she can't. not like this. not when she's not sure if it'd hurt cloud, too.] You came back.
[and what she means is "you came back from being controlled", but saying it feels hard.]
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... That scientist. He was saying you guys were dead already. That if we broke off his control, you'd just go back to that.
[ so it's lingering in his mind like a niggling thought, in between the bursts of WHEEEEE hope. he saved aerith back then. right? ]
I don't know who the others were that round. Kanda's friend I recognized, but that's it.
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"Do you get tired of your death being used to hurt the people who care about you?"
she had said yes when the question was asked, and this does nothing to change her mind now. she scoots a little closer, baby chocobo settling behind her and she chews the inside of her cheek for a moment.]
We know these things are just meant to hurt us however they think they can. Like what happened in the bar last week, too. And what happened to everyone that first week in the city of the dead. [man.] Were you able to stop the scientist at all?
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I know that. [ said a little quietly. even though he knows it wasn't real and meant to hurt doesn't mean it didn't. uh. work. it worked. so moving on: ] I killed him. But... they'd warned us there'd be consequences if we attacked him. They had... hostages. Pickles, Laudna and some people Aventurine and Kanda knew from home. Since I killed that guy, they made us choose between them and someone else who would get to live. Yuffie. Karlach. Nehan. Lavi. We made our choices, and then they made us fight whoever we didn't pick.
[ do you know he's not going to tell this to anyone else but aerith ]
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anyway she absolutely hates this x2.]
...which ones did you have to fight? [how bad did this combat simulator fuck with everyone's head?]
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... Laudna, Pickles, and the two people Aventurine and Kanda knew from home.
[ 1) dog murder 2) nehan/aventurine is real because that bitch picked him over his canon cr ]
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...probably wasn't easy, huh? It wasn't a real fight, but you probably didn't know it while you were there, right? People have said all of it feels so real. Were they also being controlled?
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[ there were some mean words exchanged maybe ]
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[ well. they both came back alive apparently so maybe that's... not so bad...? ]
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[ vision? ]
After I made it, somehow... I knew you'd be okay.
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...thank god for Daan, right? [light, because that's their doctor friend and she's still worried about him, too.] Think you can remember what the dream was? What kinda choice?
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There was this... [ the black...? no. ] egg. It was an egg. If I let it hatch, it'd unleash something... bad. But you'd be revived. And when I did it--I got this vision--we were together, and we were facing it, but I knew we'd be fine.
[ it felt great and there's nothing ominous at all anywhere in there!!!!! ]
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You hatched the egg...and I came back to you? And we were able to fight this terrible thing because we were together. [she's repeating this slowly because her brain is not soup, she absolutely sees the parallels in this and wants to perish.]
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[ she has perished enough she has to look at him looking up at her with his glow in the dark eyes and currently silver-y hair all 🥺 about it ]
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Risky thing you did there. [but she knows why.] ...I'm with you no matter what. You know that, don't you?
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Mm. [ ow, ow, ow, it's taking him a second to form words as he tenses but it's just. pain. ] I know.
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—what's wrong? [no, we're focusing on this for a second. pain is bad!]
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I... [ am I losing it? ] I don't... know. It just... hurt for a second.
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very carefully rests her hand on his thigh?]
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Shit-- [ he's trying not to react but the on and off of it is like electric shocks and it SUCKS ]
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