Maybe. I'm letting Cloud decide on some other things. [i.e. she's not asking him about bringing her back because cloud doesn't know she's dead. it's fine.
anyway, memory...hi peanut. aerith registers this though and her lips turn downward into a soft frown.]
...emotions are complicated even for humans sometimes. It's another one of those things some people take for granted, but there are so many that people don't always understand. At the same time...if you couldn't feel anything at all, wouldn't you miss out on all of the times you felt happiness? Love for your comrades? Joy from having a place to call home? There's good and bad in everything, but I think even the worst things are worth it. If only to make the good things that much better.
Sharing the burden isn't a bad idea. You two seem to lean on each quite a bit.
[ makes him a little extra worried for yuffie, being out there on her own. there are others who care about her, for certain, but even then... ]
...It isn't something I'm proud of, Aerith-dono. [ softly. ] I do cherish every moment of joy that I've experienced since being summoned - and there are many of them to even try to count. I wouldn't trade a single one away. It's just that is difficult sometimes, and it quickly becomes overwhelming in those moments, and I don't know what to do.
[ a heavy sigh. ]
But you're right, of course. There's good and bad in everything, and it all happens for a reason.
We're a team. I think all of us have become pretty reliant. [and by all of us she means everyone from home. she's worried about yuffie, too, for that reason. she still feels awful that they both left together and can't reach her.
anyway, she looks at iwatooshi for a moment before offering both of her hands. paws? hold paws?]
Everything happening for a reason doesn't always mean we understand the reason, or even that we have to like the reason. Fear, anger, worry...those are all things that can cause inaction. Or even just indecision of what the best action is. But I think you've already made a good step in even admitting that.
Then Yuffie-dono must be feeling very troubled without you both.
[ it breaks his heart to think about. poor girl... she reminds him a bit of imanotsurugi, so he can't help but worry, even knowing she doesn't want to be taken care of like a child.
there's a blip of a question mark above his head before he takes her hands as requested. ]
And sometimes they can cause action when they shouldn't. I know. [ he nods. ] It's just one of the many sufferings of being human... having a heart. You're all remarkably strong to withstand it the way that you do.
Yeah. She won't say she's struggling if anybody asks her except to maybe us. [and it makes her a little feral because she never wanted to be that person to leave a friend behind again. (not that she could've stopped it the first time...)
but hands! it's really that she wanted them to hold and let them swing a little. friendly reminder that iwatooshi has a body and they're both still kind of alive, somehow.]
Years and years of practice, but they do call it heartbreak for a reason. [...] Have you been overwhelmed here? A lot of things have happened.
[this is slightly rhetorical because she can sort of guess a few things that might have thrown him for a loop.]
She seemed... very concerned with being treated like a child. I understand why she'd hesitate to open up, with that on her mind.
[ there is a bit of 💦 at that because he's definitely guilty of doing that, if not necessarily to yuffie.
he's just letting aerith do what she wants with his hands, though, that's fine. it almost reminds him a little of imanotsurugi - he would sometimes hold their hands like this while they were playing. despite the subject matter, the memory does bring a faint smile to iwatooshi's face. ]
With every tragedy that passes, I understand that a little better. It's almost like taking damage and seeing my blade fracture before Master can repair us, but there is no repairing cracks in one's heart, is there?
[ there's only moving on, in his experience. powering forward with an almost single-minded intent, to serve the purpose he was summoned for without fail.
his gaze falls from hers at that question, shame bubbling up within. ]
Yeah. We try not to treat her like one, but sometimes you still have to. You have to remind them that they're young and they don't have to shoulder everything alone, no matter how brave they want to be.
[so she would never blame anyone to treating yuffie that way, really.]
Mm...I think those fractures will always be there, but over time they just become a part of you. You build over it, supporting the weaker parts to keep them from falling apart. But you're right. There's no repairing permanently. You learn to live with them. [and she frowns, tightening her grip just a little. no shame. no worries.]
...you don't have to. I know it's hard. But it could help to talk a little more about it. Even if it's just acknowledge what's happened to you. Things are still moving fast, but we do have a little more time now to slow down and catch up with ourselves.
...I think that could go for many people, not just the younger ones among us. Some of the elders should learn to lean on others a little more, as well.
[ like he keeps reminding aerith. but iwatooshi knows the same applies to himself, as well - he's so used to taking care of imanotsurugi that it's harder to think of what he needs, sometimes. ]
Like an engraving on the tang. [ softly, because he's not really expecting aerith to understand that? but it's probably the best way for him to. ] Something we just have to carry with us for the rest of our existence. It seems like such a sad thing, though.
[ carrying every tragedy that left a mark on you... he knows many spirits who've suffered under the weight of such things, and now several mortals, thanks to this place.
...he gives a soft laugh. ]
You sound a little like Kogitsunemaru-dono, you know. But I don't think I'm very good at following that advice. Putting it all into words is... difficult, at best. And so much has happened here.
I can think of a couple, yeah. [both of them, for one. but people like karlach, too. lucas, in a way. the ones who are used to being the glue to hold their friends together.
she doesn't quite understand, judging by the way she tilts her head, but she seems okay with that so long as it's something iwatooshi himself understands.]
It is. It can be. [she won't deny that carrying around that sort of fractured pain isn't sad, and that it doesn't hurt, but at the same time it's just a part of who you are.] You learn how to carry it, and you learn how to let other people help you carry it, too. Even if it's always something you're working toward.
[there's a little smile anyway.]
Is that such a bad thing? [to sound like someone familiar.] I understand though...sometimes the best we can hope for is being able to process at all, let alone try to verbalize it. But sometimes it's easier to understand and find words when you try to share the burden with someone else. They might have the words you're looking for. Or maybe that's just been something I've noticed.
You make it sound so easy, Aerith-dono. [ but he understands, he thinks. ] Imanotsurugi and I were still learning how to do that, before he left. It’s the best thing that we can do for each other here, isn’t it? To try, at least.
[ smiling, he shakes his head. ]
It’s not a bad thing. He’s a good friend - a very caring one that I often miss. [ but that isn’t the point here, so his expression turns a bit solemn. ] Perhaps you’re right. But by now, I’m not sure I’d even know where to begin trying.
Oh, sorry. [and she genuinely does mean sorry because she realizes sometimes she just says things without thinking through how they may come across.] But you're right. We've talked about this a little before, haven't we? Just doing our best to try. I don't think anyone can say anything bad about people making attempts.
[she looks curious, like she wants to ask iwa more about his friend, but her own expression shifts to match. that's...a loaded question, and she does understand why he's asking. so she takes a moment to herself to think of the best answer.]
For me? I think maybe just...the basics, really. Even if I don't understand why I feel the way I do about things, sometimes just saying out loud "I'm hurting" or "I'm angry" helps to focus on the next step to share. The acknowledgment that you feel it at all is the biggest step.
Mm, you're right. That's the most we can really ask of one another.
[ he listens intently, turning the words over in his head, mulling them over. ]
I think... both of those are true for most of us here. After all that we've been through, I think it would be more surprising not to feel that way. [ as for himself... ] I am hurt. I am angry. I'm frustrated, both with our situation and myself, but I don't know how to move forward from there.
I'd agree with that. Even those of us who can't put it into words likely feel that way. [but she listens, frowning softly when he finally phrases it that way.]
Saying it is a start, especially when you do so much to try and take care of everybody else instead. [...] What frustrates you most about the situation? And yourself? Do you know why?
[ aside from being a weapon, that's the purpose he chose for himself. to always stand beside imanotsurugi and those who need a little bit of extra strength. ]
Being unable to do anything but watch. Knowing what we know and still being unable to help. Not being there to protect them, like I said that I would. [ there's a hesitation here, as his expression breaks and his eyes fall from hers. he's trying to hold it back, clearly, but that goes against what they're trying to say, doesn't it? ] And... And that I wasn't strong enough to fight the monster. If I could have, then maybe - maybe I wouldn't have killed e. Maybe I would've still been able to help, somehow.
[oh...all of this is very familiar to some of the things she's heard from others and even what she's felt herself, but the monster adds a new layer of absolute despair to it all.]
It's hard, isn't it? When all you wanna do is dive through the rift and reach them, and reassure all of them that they'll be alright. Take on their burdens for them. [...] I don't think I'd say it was a matter of not being strong enough though. These monsters and the things they're doing to us...they're meant to take over entirely, no matter how strong or powerful we are.
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anyway, memory...hi peanut. aerith registers this though and her lips turn downward into a soft frown.]
...emotions are complicated even for humans sometimes. It's another one of those things some people take for granted, but there are so many that people don't always understand. At the same time...if you couldn't feel anything at all, wouldn't you miss out on all of the times you felt happiness? Love for your comrades? Joy from having a place to call home? There's good and bad in everything, but I think even the worst things are worth it. If only to make the good things that much better.
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[ makes him a little extra worried for yuffie, being out there on her own. there are others who care about her, for certain, but even then... ]
...It isn't something I'm proud of, Aerith-dono. [ softly. ] I do cherish every moment of joy that I've experienced since being summoned - and there are many of them to even try to count. I wouldn't trade a single one away. It's just that is difficult sometimes, and it quickly becomes overwhelming in those moments, and I don't know what to do.
[ a heavy sigh. ]
But you're right, of course. There's good and bad in everything, and it all happens for a reason.
[ "this is because that is." ]
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anyway, she looks at iwatooshi for a moment before offering both of her hands. paws? hold paws?]
Everything happening for a reason doesn't always mean we understand the reason, or even that we have to like the reason. Fear, anger, worry...those are all things that can cause inaction. Or even just indecision of what the best action is. But I think you've already made a good step in even admitting that.
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[ it breaks his heart to think about. poor girl... she reminds him a bit of imanotsurugi, so he can't help but worry, even knowing she doesn't want to be taken care of like a child.
there's a blip of a question mark above his head before he takes her hands as requested. ]
And sometimes they can cause action when they shouldn't. I know. [ he nods. ] It's just one of the many sufferings of being human... having a heart. You're all remarkably strong to withstand it the way that you do.
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but hands! it's really that she wanted them to hold and let them swing a little. friendly reminder that iwatooshi has a body and they're both still kind of alive, somehow.]
Years and years of practice, but they do call it heartbreak for a reason. [...] Have you been overwhelmed here? A lot of things have happened.
[this is slightly rhetorical because she can sort of guess a few things that might have thrown him for a loop.]
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[ there is a bit of 💦 at that because he's definitely guilty of doing that, if not necessarily to yuffie.
he's just letting aerith do what she wants with his hands, though, that's fine. it almost reminds him a little of imanotsurugi - he would sometimes hold their hands like this while they were playing. despite the subject matter, the memory does bring a faint smile to iwatooshi's face. ]
With every tragedy that passes, I understand that a little better. It's almost like taking damage and seeing my blade fracture before Master can repair us, but there is no repairing cracks in one's heart, is there?
[ there's only moving on, in his experience. powering forward with an almost single-minded intent, to serve the purpose he was summoned for without fail.
his gaze falls from hers at that question, shame bubbling up within. ]
...I have. More than I'd care to admit.
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Yeah. We try not to treat her like one, but sometimes you still have to. You have to remind them that they're young and they don't have to shoulder everything alone, no matter how brave they want to be.
[so she would never blame anyone to treating yuffie that way, really.]
Mm...I think those fractures will always be there, but over time they just become a part of you. You build over it, supporting the weaker parts to keep them from falling apart. But you're right. There's no repairing permanently. You learn to live with them. [and she frowns, tightening her grip just a little. no shame. no worries.]
...you don't have to. I know it's hard. But it could help to talk a little more about it. Even if it's just acknowledge what's happened to you. Things are still moving fast, but we do have a little more time now to slow down and catch up with ourselves.
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[ like he keeps reminding aerith. but iwatooshi knows the same applies to himself, as well - he's so used to taking care of imanotsurugi that it's harder to think of what he needs, sometimes. ]
Like an engraving on the tang. [ softly, because he's not really expecting aerith to understand that? but it's probably the best way for him to. ] Something we just have to carry with us for the rest of our existence. It seems like such a sad thing, though.
[ carrying every tragedy that left a mark on you... he knows many spirits who've suffered under the weight of such things, and now several mortals, thanks to this place.
...he gives a soft laugh. ]
You sound a little like Kogitsunemaru-dono, you know. But I don't think I'm very good at following that advice. Putting it all into words is... difficult, at best. And so much has happened here.
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she doesn't quite understand, judging by the way she tilts her head, but she seems okay with that so long as it's something iwatooshi himself understands.]
It is. It can be. [she won't deny that carrying around that sort of fractured pain isn't sad, and that it doesn't hurt, but at the same time it's just a part of who you are.] You learn how to carry it, and you learn how to let other people help you carry it, too. Even if it's always something you're working toward.
[there's a little smile anyway.]
Is that such a bad thing? [to sound like someone familiar.] I understand though...sometimes the best we can hope for is being able to process at all, let alone try to verbalize it. But sometimes it's easier to understand and find words when you try to share the burden with someone else. They might have the words you're looking for. Or maybe that's just been something I've noticed.
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[ smiling, he shakes his head. ]
It’s not a bad thing. He’s a good friend - a very caring one that I often miss. [ but that isn’t the point here, so his expression turns a bit solemn. ] Perhaps you’re right. But by now, I’m not sure I’d even know where to begin trying.
Where would you start with something like this?
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[she looks curious, like she wants to ask iwa more about his friend, but her own expression shifts to match. that's...a loaded question, and she does understand why he's asking. so she takes a moment to herself to think of the best answer.]
For me? I think maybe just...the basics, really. Even if I don't understand why I feel the way I do about things, sometimes just saying out loud "I'm hurting" or "I'm angry" helps to focus on the next step to share. The acknowledgment that you feel it at all is the biggest step.
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[ he listens intently, turning the words over in his head, mulling them over. ]
I think... both of those are true for most of us here. After all that we've been through, I think it would be more surprising not to feel that way. [ as for himself... ] I am hurt. I am angry. I'm frustrated, both with our situation and myself, but I don't know how to move forward from there.
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Saying it is a start, especially when you do so much to try and take care of everybody else instead. [...] What frustrates you most about the situation? And yourself? Do you know why?
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[ aside from being a weapon, that's the purpose he chose for himself. to always stand beside imanotsurugi and those who need a little bit of extra strength. ]
Being unable to do anything but watch. Knowing what we know and still being unable to help. Not being there to protect them, like I said that I would. [ there's a hesitation here, as his expression breaks and his eyes fall from hers. he's trying to hold it back, clearly, but that goes against what they're trying to say, doesn't it? ] And... And that I wasn't strong enough to fight the monster. If I could have, then maybe - maybe I wouldn't have killed e. Maybe I would've still been able to help, somehow.
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It's hard, isn't it? When all you wanna do is dive through the rift and reach them, and reassure all of them that they'll be alright. Take on their burdens for them. [...] I don't think I'd say it was a matter of not being strong enough though. These monsters and the things they're doing to us...they're meant to take over entirely, no matter how strong or powerful we are.