residentflorist

I know it's not. [she's not addressing that she's said it before, because, uh, yes. that is bordering the weird territory. in her own way though, perhaps she is trying to remind him of those things. gently. as it is, she's letting her fingers do their thing on his neck and she's thinking that over.] I know it's not because you're you, and...you want to keep me safe. You want that for all of us, but...[is it selfish to go "you want it for me most"?]

...I don't want you feeling bad about something that isn't really your fault.

[ there's admittedly the slightest shiver at the touch on his neck by now. it's... distracting. ]

... [ saying isn't it? isn't productive, but he's definitely thinking it, his eyes drifting away and back. he relents, instead: ] I know you don't.

[ the issue is a little that she'd never blame him for it, even though that's stupid. but he feels like it means she doesn't expect him to be able to do these things in the first place and that's... it's not a great feeling? understandable. but not a great feeling. ]

[...interesting. she will continue to do that then actually, thanks.]

...would you ever blame me for not being able to stop Camille from poisoning you that night? You had a drink when you were with me. I could have stopped you from accepting something from someone else if I'd been paying attention.

... It's not the same.

[ first of all because he accepted the drink in the first place, so he's the idiot who should've known better. and second of all because. it is simply different. hdu.

anyway, for the touch--it's not that cloud is touch averse or anything. he's not particularly fond of being touched by strangers, and he is, well, shy, so he tends to shy away from it or not be sure how to initiate, or if he even should. but aerith isn't a stranger, and he lets her touch him all the time. but she doesn't usually do something like... this. point being that he kind of lists his head a little into it and feels goosebumps at the same time. duality. ]

[this is very fascinating actually. she should maybe stop touching him but also she doesn't really want to? not while this is apparently working in her favor. his head goes to the side and the tips of her fingers softly run up the length of his neck and back down again even as she shakes her head.]

How is it not the same? [because she thinks it's very much the same. for example, she's the idiot who knew lucas is a serial killer and should have maybe thought ahead.]

[ he closes his eyes for a second, shuddering again. it is a very distracting touch even if it's really not that intense. his thumb rumbs gentle circles against her hip in the same rhythm without him really noticing. when he opens his eyes again he can still frown so clearly it is not distracting enough ]

... It's not like either one of us knew where the drinks came from. [ and maybe that makes it sillier, but it also makes it not aerith's fault. ] And it's not about you blaming me.

[ it is mostly about him taking the blame, which goes into his shoved down hero complex, and that is maybe where it gets complicated. ]

[okay for some reason she's actually surprised he's mimicking the motion because she's also stupid, but. it's okay. it's fine. she allows it even if she's still meeting his frown with one of her own.]

But that doesn't change I also don't want you to blame yourself when they're situations neither of us could have really predicted. That's kind of my point here. [because yes, yes, hero complex, but have you considered that maybe sephiroth is just a dick and also this was always meant to happen and cloud saving her in a different timeline really caused some shit to happen and she's not even sure of her own existence anymore? it's fine. fingers continue the assault on his neck.]

[ they're gonna go in circles, he thinks, because there's no way for him to say he thinks he should've predicted it because of course sephiroth would find a way to show up and stab her!!! that is just what he does!!!! he needs a fuckin hobby!!! "it was not the real sephiroth" IT VERY RARELY IS. so instead of going in a circle about that: ]

... What are you doing? [ on his lap and playing on his neck like how did he get here he still doesn't know ]

[ah. welcome to the party, cloud. she is noticing they are diverting away from the blame(less) game, and she looks a tiny bit amused when he finally asks.]

Making sure you're paying attention mostly. [which is like 75% true. continues as she's been doing.] Does it bother you?

[ considering how distracting it is he is not sure how this is meant to make him pay attention and his disbelieving face says so as well, but... ]

No. [ maybe it should bother him, because it's kind of intimate. he doesn't want to think about that too hard. ] But it's... different.

[ distractingly so, again, but for some reason he doesn't really want to admit that. ]

[what does different mean in this case...continues anyway. by this point she's also probably stopped hovering over his lap and has settled gently because staying in that position with her sore stomach is a bitch.]

I can stop if you really want. Unless...different is still okay in this case?

[ she could have settled all along in his lap his pain tolerance is a little stupid and he's very good at ignoring the leggy. and 0% good at ignoring the aerith ]

If it wasn't, you'd know. [ he might endure but he's never made it a secret when he didn't want something, including touches. when he brings his other hand to the small of her back it's to help balance still, and it's the gentlest most delicate touch. ] ... You've never done this before.

[ that's why it's different. partially. ]

[he should not ignore the aerith, yeah, especially since she's still looking at him curiously. there's a hum of acknowledgement to that though because true. if cloud didn't want her here, he'd find an excuse to push her off and put distance between them, probably. not that she thinks cloud entirely gets what's going on, but...baby steps.]

Maybe this is...another little thing? [a little thing that she wants, she means, because it's clear to her that cloud's guilt is overruling his ability to notice that perhaps aerith has a few feelings on the matter.]

Sitting on my lap?

[ ah. saying it like that was reflexive and dubious, but hearing it out loud... he looks at aerith's face, still frowning, still hesitant, but now maybe a little more embarrassed. ]

[did he have to say it like that...]

Being close to you.

[ IT'S WHAT SHE'S DOING. he stares back a little, because he thinks she usually means that in a less literal way, but also... ]

... Even after yesterday?

[ where he kind of. forced her to be close in his insanity ]

[well. continues the neck massage, she guesses.]

Like I said, yesterday's not really what I imagined when I thought about keeping you to myself. This is a little more like it. [repeating that since cloud obviously missed the memo the first time??? (she was not super clear the first time, but whatever.)]

[ THE NECK MESSAGE CONTINUES TO BE SO DISTRACTING THANK YOU if you think he has stopped having little shivers. no there's goosebumps on his arms and everything ]

... I wasn't myself. [ obviously, but it means he can get that yesterday was not as expected but what's with the. what's with the keep you to myself thing. he's stupid your honor please explain in small words because there is kind of one explanation that matches her sitting on his lap and he is not sure he understands it ] Aerith... Why...

[ why do you want that isn't quite what he wants, so, actually, instead, let's try again from monday: ]

What do you want?

[she just leans in real close to stare at him. no, cloud wasn't himself, but he's been himself the rest of the time and that didn't change her feelings at all. and it's stupid and selfish and kind of cruel to tifa in a way, she thinks, because it's not like she isn't aware of their feelings for each other, too, but...well. she thinks if cloud's still here, maybe it's just as mutual there, too.

but she still gives him a little out.]

I thought you were learning a little more. Can't you tell?

[ please leave his poly ass alone he is not thinking of tifa right this second. he is not even thinking of zack, even though he should, for reasons that have to do with aerith and zack both. he is, unfortunately, only focused on aerith.

his hand tightens on her hip a little. it's slight, more like tensing, but. it happens. ]

I don't know. [ he is looking back at her and he is not leaning away. except: ] There's more than one way to like someone.

[ this is as close as he gets to saying "i think you like me, but i don't know which way", and it is maybe unfair to quote her from. that dream? other world? her other self? whichever it was. ]

[is that unfortunate. is it. she's not so sure it is, but then again there are a lot of things happening right now. she finds that she kind of likes the tighter grip when he's actually mentally present, and he doesn't lean away so it means they're a little close right now.]

You're right. [and the way she says it seems to be thoughtful, like maybe she agreed on this once upon a time but has had more time to think about her feelings now. she's still not fully aware of that dream, but sometimes...she can get little senses of those events. things that could have happened. things she's aware about, but didn't entirely happen to her. a different her? the whole thing is still a little confusing, but maybe that matters less now. what matters is she's here, with cloud, and he's very much asking for a confirmation he's too shy to put into words himself.]

...I really do like you, Cloud. A little more every day. But...sometimes I don't know if it's the same for you, too. So I want those small, little things for us because maybe it'll be more clear then.

[ there's silence, at that, and he stares at her with his breath held a little, before eventually; ]

... I like you.

[ and maybe he wouldn't say it outright on any other week but this one, when he's not fully certain he knows how he likes her, or more importantly if he should (if it's real? doesn't he get a say in that?), but. but she's asking for some kind of confirmation. the same way she'd wanted to know where they stood back then. and he thinks maybe he owes her this much, after everything. ]

[it still doesn't entirely clarify the "which way", and if she knew he wasn't certain or that he was wondering what was real she'd probably slow things down again, but for now the words are enough. they have to be.]

...good. [there's a little smile in spite of the situation because, well, of course she's happy the boy she likes likes her back.] Then this shouldn't be so surprising, should it?

[ the issue is he thinks it's real and he thinks it's that way but he has also been told It Isn't And You Shouldn't and it's complicated, which is why. he is not sharing any of those parts. but she smiles and he huffs a little ]

... Maybe not. [ maybe not, but it still feels surprising anyway. the hand on her lower back drifts up just a tad, fingers splaying out in an hesitant stroke. he likes her, and she likes him, and if he ignores everything else surrounding that-- maybe it is simple. ] Are you gonna tell me what all the little things you want to do are?

[she's not exactly surprised when he's touching her back, shifting a little into the hand but otherwise not drawing attention. she knows what she said before. "you can't fall in love with me, it won't be real" blah blah blah, but what the hell did she know? back then, it had been a attempt to keep him safe. but now...well. it feels a little real, doesn't it? and this is going to be harmful to both of them when they go back and if they can't still be together, and she knows it's not fair to cloud's brain to trick him into thinking she isn't just some weird, complicated ghost.

likewise she knows it's not fair to do this right now when two more people have died (three with camille, five with karma and boothill even if she's not entirely sure about karma yet), but...the double deaths will return. and the people who died on the living side will be safely received tomorrow, or the day after. so for now...isn't it okay to be a little bit selfish? isn't it fine to try and take what she wants while there's time? there hadn't been a good time during the week, and she knows she's been making him wait. but she also knows cloud somehow has a talent for misinterpreting her words, or just kind of deciding what they mean, so it maybe makes sense to express this in a way that he can't misinterpret.

it's why she smiles again when he asks, and she scoots forward just a little to press her mouth to his. belatedly, she thinks there is a possibility that cloud could still find a way to misinterpret that, but given the way she doesn't let up immediately she's kind of hoping not.]

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