Digitalis Old English folklore said that foxes wore the flowers on their paws to silence movement and stealthily stalk prey. Healing, pain, insincerity, insecurity
I know. [and it's why she doesn't push. just takes the scraps he gives her and files them away for later. the question makes her think though.]
Better than before, at least. When I first got here, we were barely just getting the option to speak to the other overseers. Now they're able to show up and everything. We can send letters that get to them, and their letters get to us. Whatever connection we've established is only getting stronger. And this isn't what dead really feels like, I think.
[...well. she's not about to say "i know" because she doesn't want to drop that fun surprise on him when he just got here, and also she's still trying to piece together her own death at home and what it means.]
Yup. I think. If we can still feel things, and we can still experience everything...we're just as solid as anything else. Life after death doesn't stop, but this isn't quite that either.
Signs are pointing to good things! They seem to change when we unlock the tomes each week, and there are other things that shift each Monday. The more we build here, the more it feels like we're getting closer to them? After all, all of the trees you guys had on the other side end up here permanently anyway. Are those places any less real now just because they're here?
I still have a little bit of apprehension about "getting closer to them", but that might just be me. Everything that happens here comes with a bit of doubt.
That being said, I'm not trying to be a nihilist. You do make good points and I'm not doubting you.
You could be a nihilist if you wanted. You wouldn't be the first to think I'm a little weird for thinking the way I do. People don't always believe in planetology either. But...that does make me a little happy to hear. I'll admit that much.
[mostly she likes knowing she's not just spouting bullshit he wishes she'd never say, or anything that might actively hinder him.]
Supposedly a little sense of doubt is healthy anyway.
[...this also makes sense. daan has struck her as someone who's more a product of circumstance than anything, and it's what makes everything so much more frustrating.]
...is it hard for you to believe because everything that's happened continues to be hard to cope with? [let's talk and pick the brain a little.]
It's harder to see a bigger picture when it sounds impossible. You can't just say "hey we're going to come back from the dead and live happily ever after" and expect everyone to believe it with no questions. And...it's probably also hard to look forward to something because this isn't something that's easy to get your hopes up about.
[...she considers this again.]
Can I ask you something? If you could...do you have an idea of what something like that would even look like for you at all? To look forward to.
Really. I think he's...[man.] The man says he has no ambitions of his own now. It doesn't matter to him. But he did at least acknowledge that wasn't the way to go.
[yeah you are she just traded one depressed man for another and now has both.]
I wouldn't call it disappointing when you've been upfront about it since the beginning. But just like with Nehan, I think maybe someday, if you wanted, there may be something left for you.
...even harder when you were happy in your old life. It's natural to compare the old life with anything new, and considering how recent your circumstances are...it doesn't really feel so much like an old life either. More like a life you had, and now you're in between. And even the things that still exist and used to make you happy might not cut it anymore.
An ending, really. But no good mark for a new beginning.
You can't just rebuild over what you've lost and call it good. All of those memories that led you to where you are will still be there. [...] But I do think with enough of the right materials someday, you could have a foundation again. Little by little. Even if you don't know what those things look like, being open to them coming to you counts for something.
...does it feel like abandoning everything that once made you happy to try and think of a maybe someday?
[she gets that with his special brand of depression he's just deeply sad and having a hard time finding a will to look for something good in general. but she's curious if that's also it, given his wife and what they were building together.]
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[ Care, he means. Because yeah again, his life is kind of a lot. ]
You've been here longer than me. How do you feel about our prospects?
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Better than before, at least. When I first got here, we were barely just getting the option to speak to the other overseers. Now they're able to show up and everything. We can send letters that get to them, and their letters get to us. Whatever connection we've established is only getting stronger. And this isn't what dead really feels like, I think.
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Signs are maybe pointing to good things, then?
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Yup. I think. If we can still feel things, and we can still experience everything...we're just as solid as anything else. Life after death doesn't stop, but this isn't quite that either.
Signs are pointing to good things! They seem to change when we unlock the tomes each week, and there are other things that shift each Monday. The more we build here, the more it feels like we're getting closer to them? After all, all of the trees you guys had on the other side end up here permanently anyway. Are those places any less real now just because they're here?
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That being said, I'm not trying to be a nihilist. You do make good points and I'm not doubting you.
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You could be a nihilist if you wanted. You wouldn't be the first to think I'm a little weird for thinking the way I do. People don't always believe in planetology either. But...that does make me a little happy to hear. I'll admit that much.
[mostly she likes knowing she's not just spouting bullshit he wishes she'd never say, or anything that might actively hinder him.]
Supposedly a little sense of doubt is healthy anyway.
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[ He wasn't always that way. It was never his intention to become one. ]
A little sense of doubt is healthy, sure. I just don't want to feel like I'm taking away from anything with the skepticism.
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...is it hard for you to believe because everything that's happened continues to be hard to cope with? [let's talk and pick the brain a little.]
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It'd be nice to have something good to look forward to, but I'm not really finding any... that's all.
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[...she considers this again.]
Can I ask you something? If you could...do you have an idea of what something like that would even look like for you at all? To look forward to.
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Not really.
[ Unfortunately... ]
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[taking "it'd be nice to have one" and "i don't want to be a nihilist" as daan would like one good thing, maybe. possibly.]
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Try telling that to Nehan. [don't worry, she's working on him, too.]
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[ Nehan, this is not a bar you should be going lower than. ]
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I can see where he's coming from. Not that I intend to add onto your disappointment.
[ But grief is ever-lasting...... ]
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I wouldn't call it disappointing when you've been upfront about it since the beginning. But just like with Nehan, I think maybe someday, if you wanted, there may be something left for you.
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It's trying to carve out something new that's probably the hardest, when everything's so different now.
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An ending, really. But no good mark for a new beginning.
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[ He has nothing to disagree with, with anything Aerith's just said. Yeah. ]
It only helps that I don't think just... rebuilding is going to be an option. At the bare minimum, not easy.
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Maybe.
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[she gets that with his special brand of depression he's just deeply sad and having a hard time finding a will to look for something good in general. but she's curious if that's also it, given his wife and what they were building together.]
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[ It would've been too fresh, too early to move on. Weirdly enough his CYOA helped push closure on him though. ]
Now...
[ There's a well of uncertainty, followed by a sense of wretchedness and level of fear. ]
It's just a lot of things to consider from here on.
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