Anemone From the Greek anemōnē, "daughter of thew ind." The Anemoi were four wind gods in Greek mythology. Protection against evil or ill wishes. Red: Death or forsaken love
[okay after that clusterfuck she is straight-up going out to the woods to try and find kanda actually. barring that, she will check the dojo, and then the apartments. she knows he left but not exactly where he went, so eventually...she will find him?
will he actually answer the door though, that's the question.]
[The woods would be a great guess 90% of the time!! This time he went to his room to finish watching trial, though, because he couldn't stand to listen to Nehan talk about choices any longer, not after what he went through yesterday and all the other frustrations that have been building up over time.
He will answer the door, only because he never figured out how to charge his phone and he isn't in such a terrible mood that he doesn't want to be informed about emergencies.]
Just me being nosy. [a light shrug, but most of her teasing attitude isn't there. it's more concern and a kind of solemn air instead.] You left early. Wanted to check and make sure you were okay...and update you if you hadn't heard how things ended.
[Normally he'd brush her concerns off with a brusque "I'm fine," but he doesn't even bother with that this time, which is probably enough of an answer to how he's doing on its own.]
I saw it. [...] Most of it. I don't know what they're doing now.
[He was in such a bad mood already and being suddenly and inexplicably cut off has made it so much worse]
Essek's arrived already. Showed up in the cemetery like the rest of us, and he's probably with Nehan and Scien to get settled in. Muelsyse is likely planning with the others to figure out if they're reconnecting partners or sending people straight here tomorrow. If the numbers pan out, there will only be seven of them left, plus her.
We can at least find out what they figured out tomorrow when the others arrive.
[His jaw tightens, then, his whole expression darkening--there's a flash of conflict in his eyes before he looks away.]
...Lavi and Camille are partners. [Which is the thing he found out on Wednesday. He hadn't really planned on mentioning it, but--she brought up partners, and he can't see what's going on, and there are too many awful emotions tangled in his chest right now. He can't bite it back.] I don't know what she'll want to do. I couldn't ask him, when we went.
[Which means he has no idea if Lavi is resigned to staying over there or not. And it would be a lie to say he's not just a little bit bitter that she and Cloud get to have Yuffie, that Karlach and Astarion will probably get to see Gale very soon. He's not so lost to his emotions that he'll hold it against them, especially when he also wanted Yuffie over here safely, and he isn't the type to express these things anyway, but--it's a big part of why he's in such a foul mood.]
[...ah. that explains several things, actually, yes. she's leaning against the doorway, arms folded loosely over her chest as she watches him. judging by the look on her face, she feels, uh, a certain way about that too that isn't entirely positive but likely for much different reasons.]
...I'm sorry. [because that's the first thing she thinks of is how kanda won't actually say it out loud, really, but she knows he's probably pretty unhappy that lavi's not guaranteed to join him. she remembers what kanda was like way back when they first met, how he hadn't cared to talk to people at all but he always had lavi. someone who he had known for years. and now...well.]
Maybe there's a way to break the partnership and trade with someone who's partnerless. We don't entirely know how they work, do we?
[Truly it's a miracle he's managed a single decent conversation over here without his Bitchiness Translator and PR Representative
It's definitely mostly about Lavi not being here--but it's also about Camille being able to partner up again in general. As far as he can tell, that means she'd simply been bound to her monster once again, and thus, her revival was an even bigger waste than Kanda had originally thought. He was too distracted by Lavi to think about it very much, but given a little time, it had pissed him off all over again.]
They won't bother with that now. [It's too late for experiments and messing around. Maybe a week or two ago, they might've risked it, but he doubts they'll waste time with it right before everything is meant to kick into high gear. It is possible that he'd plan for Camille to match up with someone else so she could stay behind, but...] ...We're Exorcists. He'll stay, if it seems like they need him.
[Not so much in the emotional support way. He doesn't think that would be enough to sway Lavi. But if they appeal to his logic, his sense of duty--if they manage to convince him that Kanda asking for him was merely emotion, and that someone else deserves it more (which isn't even untrue now, though it wasn't originally)...
It's not impossible that Lavi will still do as Kanda asked. But there's a decent chance that he won't. Kanda's already struggled so much with being powerless; hearing Nehan and Scien insist they had no sway over the living's choices was insult to injury.]
[this is fair. it's not like she wouldn't feel similarly if she were stuck without her friends. well, okay, maybe she'd have a few other extremely complicated feelings about it, but it's fine. she gets the gist of it, and it's something she can sympathize with.
instead, she's listening because...she gets lavi's stance, too. isn't that exactly how she was when she first arrived here? deciding that no matter what, she'd have to go back to the situation she was in before because it was fate? because it was logical and it was what she was meant to do. she was supposed to go back to the lifestream, and yet...since coming here, she's changed her mind about how to handle things.
so would lavi change his mind, being in a situation like this that's outside of the norm?]
...but how would he determine that? What counts as "needing him", in this sense?
[Which is another point of frustration. They have so many pieces, but what the hell are they supposed to do with them? Does anyone know? He sure as hell doesn't. If it were a case of fighting the enemy, then that would be easy. Lavi would stay for sure, even without access to his weapon. But with what they've got now...]
If the rest of them have people they want to protect more. Or people they think would help us, for whatever reason. ...If Camille wants to stay over there. Or if he thinks there's something he can do over there, that he couldn't do here.
[But, again--he doesn't know what that might be. Truly he's just in the same boat as Cloud right now. They are sword guys they aren't meant to sit around and wait for things to happen!!]
It's Saturday now. We know that the ritual is in the next week, so they'll likely stop trying to summon monsters, which means nobody will will be afflicted. And...we'll find out what happens to partnered pairs tomorrow. It seems like they don't disappear until after the ritual on Sundays, so technically speaking even if their partnership broke in the middle of the week...Camille should be fine. But that still then depends on Lavi. In the end, they're still going to have to make a choice of who else to send to us based on who's left and who wants to keep fighting. Who can fight over there, really.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know the odds aren't looking great, but...there's still hope things can change.
[Me not getting to this tag until after Mathis's death like oh I guess Kanda technically did know what Gale said oops. Well it's fine. Short-term memory loss, or maybe he just doesn't have faith in this one because it seems more like speculation than what Gale says.
It also doesn't change the rest of it. Even today, Lavi being there for Mathis is just another example of why he might feel the need to stick around. Camille's life may not be on the line, but her emotional state is fragile; he knows, too, that Lavi is close to Gojo and Geto, though he doesn't know them well enough himself to know whether they'd want him to stay.
There are just too many unknowns, and all he can do is watch and wait. He's not good at that.]
...It doesn't matter. [How he feels about anything is irrelevant, ultimately.] Someone has to stay.
[And Kanda isn't a fair or just person, really; it's not about how do you weigh one life against others or anything like that. This is just the life of an Exorcist. He's never really gotten to have what he wanted, and he loses people all the time. Daisya's death was barely a year ago. This is no different than all he's ever known, and it's the very reason he doesn't get attached to people. All it ever does is get in the way of what needs to be done.
If he keeps telling himself that, he'll eventually believe it.]
[honestly i'd buy either from kanda, and it's not like aerith knows either. after so many weeks of this, it's always about believing it when you see it. she's an optimist through and through, someone who wants to believe everything will work out and the people they love won't have to keep suffering, but...time and time again she keeps being proven wrong.
still...]
It matters a little. Even if that's true, and even if someone has to stay...how does it help you to just ignore it? [she gets it. sometimes you have to fight back your own feelings to keep going, but she's not entirely sure kanda needs to do that right this second.]
They won't stay for long. We're still going to find a way to save them and bring all of us to one side. One way or another.
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w6 saturday
will he actually answer the door though, that's the question.]
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He will answer the door, only because he never figured out how to charge his phone and he isn't in such a terrible mood that he doesn't want to be informed about emergencies.]
What is it?
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I saw it. [...] Most of it. I don't know what they're doing now.
[He was in such a bad mood already and being suddenly and inexplicably cut off has made it so much worse]
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Essek's arrived already. Showed up in the cemetery like the rest of us, and he's probably with Nehan and Scien to get settled in. Muelsyse is likely planning with the others to figure out if they're reconnecting partners or sending people straight here tomorrow. If the numbers pan out, there will only be seven of them left, plus her.
We can at least find out what they figured out tomorrow when the others arrive.
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...Lavi and Camille are partners. [Which is the thing he found out on Wednesday. He hadn't really planned on mentioning it, but--she brought up partners, and he can't see what's going on, and there are too many awful emotions tangled in his chest right now. He can't bite it back.] I don't know what she'll want to do. I couldn't ask him, when we went.
[Which means he has no idea if Lavi is resigned to staying over there or not. And it would be a lie to say he's not just a little bit bitter that she and Cloud get to have Yuffie, that Karlach and Astarion will probably get to see Gale very soon. He's not so lost to his emotions that he'll hold it against them, especially when he also wanted Yuffie over here safely, and he isn't the type to express these things anyway, but--it's a big part of why he's in such a foul mood.]
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...I'm sorry. [because that's the first thing she thinks of is how kanda won't actually say it out loud, really, but she knows he's probably pretty unhappy that lavi's not guaranteed to join him. she remembers what kanda was like way back when they first met, how he hadn't cared to talk to people at all but he always had lavi. someone who he had known for years. and now...well.]
Maybe there's a way to break the partnership and trade with someone who's partnerless. We don't entirely know how they work, do we?
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It's definitely mostly about Lavi not being here--but it's also about Camille being able to partner up again in general. As far as he can tell, that means she'd simply been bound to her monster once again, and thus, her revival was an even bigger waste than Kanda had originally thought. He was too distracted by Lavi to think about it very much, but given a little time, it had pissed him off all over again.]
They won't bother with that now. [It's too late for experiments and messing around. Maybe a week or two ago, they might've risked it, but he doubts they'll waste time with it right before everything is meant to kick into high gear. It is possible that he'd plan for Camille to match up with someone else so she could stay behind, but...] ...We're Exorcists. He'll stay, if it seems like they need him.
[Not so much in the emotional support way. He doesn't think that would be enough to sway Lavi. But if they appeal to his logic, his sense of duty--if they manage to convince him that Kanda asking for him was merely emotion, and that someone else deserves it more (which isn't even untrue now, though it wasn't originally)...
It's not impossible that Lavi will still do as Kanda asked. But there's a decent chance that he won't. Kanda's already struggled so much with being powerless; hearing Nehan and Scien insist they had no sway over the living's choices was insult to injury.]
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instead, she's listening because...she gets lavi's stance, too. isn't that exactly how she was when she first arrived here? deciding that no matter what, she'd have to go back to the situation she was in before because it was fate? because it was logical and it was what she was meant to do. she was supposed to go back to the lifestream, and yet...since coming here, she's changed her mind about how to handle things.
so would lavi change his mind, being in a situation like this that's outside of the norm?]
...but how would he determine that? What counts as "needing him", in this sense?
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[Which is another point of frustration. They have so many pieces, but what the hell are they supposed to do with them? Does anyone know? He sure as hell doesn't. If it were a case of fighting the enemy, then that would be easy. Lavi would stay for sure, even without access to his weapon. But with what they've got now...]
If the rest of them have people they want to protect more. Or people they think would help us, for whatever reason. ...If Camille wants to stay over there. Or if he thinks there's something he can do over there, that he couldn't do here.
[But, again--he doesn't know what that might be. Truly he's just in the same boat as Cloud right now. They are sword guys they aren't meant to sit around and wait for things to happen!!]
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It's Saturday now. We know that the ritual is in the next week, so they'll likely stop trying to summon monsters, which means nobody will will be afflicted. And...we'll find out what happens to partnered pairs tomorrow. It seems like they don't disappear until after the ritual on Sundays, so technically speaking even if their partnership broke in the middle of the week...Camille should be fine. But that still then depends on Lavi. In the end, they're still going to have to make a choice of who else to send to us based on who's left and who wants to keep fighting. Who can fight over there, really.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know the odds aren't looking great, but...there's still hope things can change.
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It also doesn't change the rest of it. Even today, Lavi being there for Mathis is just another example of why he might feel the need to stick around. Camille's life may not be on the line, but her emotional state is fragile; he knows, too, that Lavi is close to Gojo and Geto, though he doesn't know them well enough himself to know whether they'd want him to stay.
There are just too many unknowns, and all he can do is watch and wait. He's not good at that.]
...It doesn't matter. [How he feels about anything is irrelevant, ultimately.] Someone has to stay.
[And Kanda isn't a fair or just person, really; it's not about how do you weigh one life against others or anything like that. This is just the life of an Exorcist. He's never really gotten to have what he wanted, and he loses people all the time. Daisya's death was barely a year ago. This is no different than all he's ever known, and it's the very reason he doesn't get attached to people. All it ever does is get in the way of what needs to be done.
If he keeps telling himself that, he'll eventually believe it.]
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still...]
It matters a little. Even if that's true, and even if someone has to stay...how does it help you to just ignore it? [she gets it. sometimes you have to fight back your own feelings to keep going, but she's not entirely sure kanda needs to do that right this second.]
They won't stay for long. We're still going to find a way to save them and bring all of us to one side. One way or another.