Digitalis Old English folklore said that foxes wore the flowers on their paws to silence movement and stealthily stalk prey. Healing, pain, insincerity, insecurity
Like tea leaves. [sure.] There's so much to them, but you have to let them settle before you can digest everything. ...you had a really busy week, but maybe it's more appropriate to say you've had a really busy several weeks.
...Don't suppose it'll end any-time soon. Think I've just about forgotten what peace actually feels like.
[ That's a lie all he has to do is think about the happier days of his marriage before his life really took a turn for the worst. Weirdly enough, his CYOA was horrible but it inadvertently managed to give him a bit of personal peace in this regard so he seems fine about it. ]
Mm...it's probably still in there. I get that a lot of people think death is the end, but...it really doesn't have to be. Maybe here you can try to remember again a little at a time.
[without the constant tragedies of the monsters on the other side, or the monsters from home, or the weight of everything on top of the trauma that already existed. she says this, but she seems more subdued about it than usual. can't force people to accept things faster than they're ready for, and people might think she's weird for how she views things.
still, there's a complicated little squiggle of something in her feelings when he asks, but she smiles again.]
Pretty okay, I guess? Things here are still complicated in their own way, but most of us are co-existing pretty peacefully. We've been working on figuring stuff out, and sometimes we all get together just to spend time with each other and try to keep everybody's spirits up, and with all of the different doors and buildings and shops we have enough to keep ourselves busy. You kind of stop thinking about it after a while, maybe.
For the most part. Some people are very good at not making themselves found when they want to. [but there's a little dip into something slightly worried. sympathetic, even.]
Our mailbox didn't open until last Sunday, so a lot of us wrote as soon as we could. We didn't know when they'd go out either, but we were hoping it was sooner than later. [...] People might write even if you don't write them first now that they know what's going on. Letters are more helpful than people think.
The situation is dire and all, but I suppose we deserve at least a shred of privacy to ourselves every so often.
[ There's a dull emotion here, not quite placeable but. He does wish he put more weight into the words of the letters. He wishes he was able to. They mostly blurred though, distant scrawls written meaninglessly. It was just a little too late for him, the timing of his silver lining. ]
[what the hell is privacy anymore. she's aware that whatever this emotion is doesn't actually belong to her, empty as it is, and she pauses for a second as if that will help her decipher it.
she only addresses the second part.]
I had to rewrite it a few times because there was so much I wanted to say. [me cutting out chunks of my daan letter.] I did mean all of it though. I would've kept writing anyway even if you never responded.
[ It's just a little bit too depressing to say that right now. Truly OOCly I was like I can chalk up not writing this week due to his possession and going kinda crazy for real esp while I'm in a murder dm and on CYOA but afterwards? Sweaty. Just writes off-kilter letters. ]
Guess I can, huh? [haha. she pauses, thinking for a moment of where to begin.] ...I did miss you very much. Everyone here is fine in their own way, but I think I've been missing something in my life without being able to see you and talk to you. You've had me worried for a little while now. I know...there were people over on that side that're good for talking. Checking yourself. Karlach's good that way, she's a good listener and a really supportive friend. But I did worry week after week what it was doing to you to lose the people you tried to connect with. Um, maybe that's a little presumptuous of me?
[to think they had that kind of relationship, she means, because aerith's still an idiot and doesn't always fully understand her impact on every person she meets. she just kind of tries her best.]
I heard about the flowers that were planted. We could see things around the village, too, so the memorials and everything. I know we talked once about what could possibly be after death, and I know you and I had different ideas on it. I wondered a lot what you would think of this place, and I was just hoping I'd still be here if there ever came a day you arrived. And...here we are. A lot of things have changed, but I don't want our ability to talk to be one of them. Even if this is another serious one and I did promise you a day where we just tried to find ourselves again and try to enjoy something. I don't know. I guess what I'm getting at is I hope leaving you like that won't change how we talk to each other now.
[because a lot of extremely bad and traumatic things have happened to this man in general and she's worried he will, simply, just cave in on himself.]
Oh. And I finally got to try an old-fashioned. Boothill asked me what I wanted to try my first day here, and I said someone told me I'd like that. "Simple, effective, and nobody has a complaint about having one regardless of age, gender, class."
[ He listens and nods along, quipping here and there where appropriate and where she leaves space as she lets out her thoughts. ]
...We've had that conversation before, I think. That the people here are all good, overall. Almost to the point of it feeling strange for how consistent everyone seems to be -- it wouldn't have been surprising to see more people splinter, reveal darker hands, turn to nihilism when hope stops working... but there's always someone with a little bit to spare, just enough to keep the rest going.
Pestilence granted me a few seeds when I requested them for a crutch. Painkillers too. I thought it would be a nice substitute for a memorial to plant them in the church given what you said. Just felt significant.
[ My fucking church investigation help. Truly he really was just in his double-monster possessed brain being total soup and a total bastard on it being useless on purpose, but his appreciation for seeing the sunflowers growing well was real. A little twisted, but real.
As for caving in... well. Frankly he already did that -- that was Thursday after the crushing weight of everything that was that week, culminating in his mental snap after killing Izutsumi, drawing that ugly sigil even though he knew it wouldn't work, but it was his last fight before he let the darkness finally take him. Dragged out of it now for the time-being thanks to the execution and the quieting of the monster, but he knows some things just can't be taken back. ]
Mr. Boothill told me you asked him for one. Charmed, Ms. Gainsborough. You remembered. Maybe next time you'll let me make you one myself?
[there's a slight grin that isn't entirely amused, but more thoughtful.]
We did. And they are. We still had to break up a fight our first Sunday here though to make sure Lucas didn't get beaten to death. [angry squiggle of emotion.] I think people have just been getting better at coping even if they aren't necessarily doing great. Letters and being here have given people a little boost in morale that we aren't fully lost, so it's likely easier to dig that hope back up.
You're right. They looked like they were starting to really grow nicely, and...it meant a lot to hear you did that. [honestly this is fine? she's so used to soup-brained men at this point that she really was watching him go and going "yeah this feels familiar." likewise...well. all of the culprits seem to be struggling in their own way about what can and can't be forgiven and feeling a sense of relief. she knows she can't fully speak on that with the same experience, but she can sort of guess based on her talks with people.
instead, she perks up a little with that.]
I do listen to the things you say. But I was kinda hoping you'd say that. Pretty sure we have a new bar now, too. That wasn't there before today.
Not particularly surprised. Would've come off as overly optimistic to a fault if I thought every victim would just forgive their killer.
[ Even worse knowing it was an intentional murder, regardless of the motivations. ]
I think the letters will definitely give some kind of push and support to those still on that side. Hopefully. They need to. [ Because man, is everything rancid there all of the time. ] And what news we have... even if bleak, it's still more than nothing. Sitting around with the lack of progress -- that was probably the worst part of it. Just waiting for the weekend to hit, let the cycle start again.
[ But he digresses, absently nodding. ]
Sounds like I came just in time then, for better or worse.
[she gets it but also lucas is her blorbo so it's just. a thing. it's a thing.]
I can't control how people feel about each other, but I can try to build an environment where we're all getting along as best as we can to keep focused and build each other's hope up for motivation. [some people might just sit down and die if they weren't thrown into things.] So that's what I've been busy with these days.
...morale's bad on the other side. We could see it. I know the overseers are still saying progress is happening but it's slow. We all know the pattern by now, too. New weird effect on Monday, everyone goes crazy for a few days, a task on Wednesday, people returning through the fog on Thursday, people dying Thursday night, investigations of missing friends on Friday and waiting with nothing more to be done, trial during Saturday, and the execution ritual Sunday. There's barely time to break up the misery. So anything we can do, we'll do.
[she casts a look across the lake.]
We could go check it out if you'd like. Make sure the ingredients are there for you later anyway, unless you beat me to it. [she does not mind their morose gazing into the lake, but in case daan would like to walk.]
Always thinking of the masses, Ms. Gainsborough. No matter what, when, or where.
[ He can only hum low in acknowledgement at her analysis of the cycle, its breakdown. He's had this conversation before, he's familiar with it and it's horrors. One of the last things he and Karlach mulled about, actually, before they both broke. ]
Had the fortune to look around it a little, but haven't broken it in.
[ They will during party but still. He looks over at her with a slight tilt of his head. ]
[just the feeling of sheepishness, but also fondness.]
It's what I'm meant to do no matter where or what I am, I think. ["I just want to do everything in my power to help. All of you." on her profile and everything. acknowledging the vicious cycle of scawwy has helped her stay focused, try to prepare for the impact of these hard times, but she knows that sometimes even that isn't enough.
this, however, the aftermath...it's the way he tilts his head that means she steps a little closer and this time she offers him her arm. a reverse of their tour on the island, once, on their way to the beach. they can break the bar in during the party, but a little field trip can't hurt.]
We'll find a good reason to do that this week, maybe. All of us. But I think I'd like to see it before then. Shall we?
[ He looks a tiny bit hesitant to take it when she offers her an arm, though it's really nothing on her. There may never be a time where he never takes a bit of a moment to think before taking or not taking it.
Today, he does though. Polite and spaced, but proper. ]
Only passed in front of it? Thought your curiosity would get the better of you first.
[this is fair. this is a part of the aerith gainsborough sunshine project where she really is shuttling herself around to everyone and trying to use the power of positive reinforcement and tangibility to remind everyone we are not fully dead (probably) and things will be okay.
which is to say the emotion when he does take her arm is the equivalent of a sunburst, quick and bright and settling into warm. let us go.]
Well maybe I wanted to wait for you. Ever think of that? [a light tease, but also real? boothill's been great but she does associate these things with daan.]
[ It's incredible how many of you really are just like that. At that emotion that feels like sunburst, there comes a dull echo of want and longing, like a withering thing turning to face towards the light. And something else, too, a distanced and slightly off-kilter delight that feels purposefully restrained and repressed. ]
Provided I would show up. But given I'm already here, I suppose I should apologise to keep a young lady waiting.
[she is in fact kind of studying the feedback as they go. she doesn't know what to make of it, and she wonders how much of daan himself has been buried under the weight of living. and dying, technically. but it's easy for her to keep her feelings light and positive and stray away from anything less than that.]
You're forgiven. [hehe.] The new bar didn't arrive until this morning. And the old one...[a brief pulse of unease.] It's fine as a bar. I haven't been back for a little while, but it's fine enough.
she looks ahead as they're walking but she shrugs slightly.]
I don't know how much you've heard about the break-ins people do around here. A few of us were drawn into the bar. It ended poorly, but we got our slate and the bag of parts when it was over. [but there's a nod.] Good timing on the replacement though. I definitely don't mind.
That's right. Similar ideas of going somewhere that changes, a little, and usually does something to try and hurt you physically or emotionally. [just to be brief about it.]
Seemed like a good name. The bar was usually open to us, but when we were there that time the door was locked. Iwatooshi had to break the door handle because Cloud got stuck trying to go through the window.
Great. Let's hope I don't have to go through one so early after I'd just been on one then.
[ Sike, no rest for the weary/wicked, whichever one you prefer. ]
...
[ Sorry but he does find that vaguely funny, the idea of Cloud just stuck in a window. He looks like he wants to ask how that happened but it's not important right now and Daan isn't a goblin so he can't. ]
I really, really hope that's the case, Daan. You're still kind of recovering from the last. [maybe not so much physically but at least psychologically.
also he could ask, it's just because cloud's ass was too fat. real.]
Seems like it though. I heard ours escalated a little in nature from the first ones, but theirs weren't very easy either. It's possible the next ones will be harder still, too.
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Like tea leaves. [sure.] There's so much to them, but you have to let them settle before you can digest everything. ...you had a really busy week, but maybe it's more appropriate to say you've had a really busy several weeks.
[busy. stressful. despairing. you know.]
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[ That's a lie all he has to do is think about the happier days of his marriage before his life really took a turn for the worst. Weirdly enough, his CYOA was horrible but it inadvertently managed to give him a bit of personal peace in this regard so he seems fine about it. ]
How have you been?
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[without the constant tragedies of the monsters on the other side, or the monsters from home, or the weight of everything on top of the trauma that already existed. she says this, but she seems more subdued about it than usual. can't force people to accept things faster than they're ready for, and people might think she's weird for how she views things.
still, there's a complicated little squiggle of something in her feelings when he asks, but she smiles again.]
Pretty okay, I guess? Things here are still complicated in their own way, but most of us are co-existing pretty peacefully. We've been working on figuring stuff out, and sometimes we all get together just to spend time with each other and try to keep everybody's spirits up, and with all of the different doors and buildings and shops we have enough to keep ourselves busy. You kind of stop thinking about it after a while, maybe.
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It was pretty bad over there. Although, at least the letters helped a little bit for most people.
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Our mailbox didn't open until last Sunday, so a lot of us wrote as soon as we could. We didn't know when they'd go out either, but we were hoping it was sooner than later. [...] People might write even if you don't write them first now that they know what's going on. Letters are more helpful than people think.
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[ There's a dull emotion here, not quite placeable but. He does wish he put more weight into the words of the letters. He wishes he was able to. They mostly blurred though, distant scrawls written meaninglessly. It was just a little too late for him, the timing of his silver lining. ]
You wrote me quite a lot. I appreciate it.
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she only addresses the second part.]
I had to rewrite it a few times because there was so much I wanted to say. [me cutting out chunks of my daan letter.] I did mean all of it though. I would've kept writing anyway even if you never responded.
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[ It's just a little bit too depressing to say that right now. Truly OOCly I was like I can chalk up not writing this week due to his possession and going kinda crazy for real esp while I'm in a murder dm and on CYOA but afterwards? Sweaty. Just writes off-kilter letters. ]
You can just tell me in person now.
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Guess I can, huh? [haha. she pauses, thinking for a moment of where to begin.] ...I did miss you very much. Everyone here is fine in their own way, but I think I've been missing something in my life without being able to see you and talk to you. You've had me worried for a little while now. I know...there were people over on that side that're good for talking. Checking yourself. Karlach's good that way, she's a good listener and a really supportive friend. But I did worry week after week what it was doing to you to lose the people you tried to connect with. Um, maybe that's a little presumptuous of me?
[to think they had that kind of relationship, she means, because aerith's still an idiot and doesn't always fully understand her impact on every person she meets. she just kind of tries her best.]
I heard about the flowers that were planted. We could see things around the village, too, so the memorials and everything. I know we talked once about what could possibly be after death, and I know you and I had different ideas on it. I wondered a lot what you would think of this place, and I was just hoping I'd still be here if there ever came a day you arrived. And...here we are. A lot of things have changed, but I don't want our ability to talk to be one of them. Even if this is another serious one and I did promise you a day where we just tried to find ourselves again and try to enjoy something. I don't know. I guess what I'm getting at is I hope leaving you like that won't change how we talk to each other now.
[because a lot of extremely bad and traumatic things have happened to this man in general and she's worried he will, simply, just cave in on himself.]
Oh. And I finally got to try an old-fashioned. Boothill asked me what I wanted to try my first day here, and I said someone told me I'd like that. "Simple, effective, and nobody has a complaint about having one regardless of age, gender, class."
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...We've had that conversation before, I think. That the people here are all good, overall. Almost to the point of it feeling strange for how consistent everyone seems to be -- it wouldn't have been surprising to see more people splinter, reveal darker hands, turn to nihilism when hope stops working... but there's always someone with a little bit to spare, just enough to keep the rest going.
Pestilence granted me a few seeds when I requested them for a crutch. Painkillers too. I thought it would be a nice substitute for a memorial to plant them in the church given what you said. Just felt significant.
[ My fucking church investigation help. Truly he really was just in his double-monster possessed brain being total soup and a total bastard on it being useless on purpose, but his appreciation for seeing the sunflowers growing well was real. A little twisted, but real.
As for caving in... well. Frankly he already did that -- that was Thursday after the crushing weight of everything that was that week, culminating in his mental snap after killing Izutsumi, drawing that ugly sigil even though he knew it wouldn't work, but it was his last fight before he let the darkness finally take him. Dragged out of it now for the time-being thanks to the execution and the quieting of the monster, but he knows some things just can't be taken back. ]
Mr. Boothill told me you asked him for one. Charmed, Ms. Gainsborough. You remembered. Maybe next time you'll let me make you one myself?
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We did. And they are. We still had to break up a fight our first Sunday here though to make sure Lucas didn't get beaten to death. [angry squiggle of emotion.] I think people have just been getting better at coping even if they aren't necessarily doing great. Letters and being here have given people a little boost in morale that we aren't fully lost, so it's likely easier to dig that hope back up.
You're right. They looked like they were starting to really grow nicely, and...it meant a lot to hear you did that. [honestly this is fine? she's so used to soup-brained men at this point that she really was watching him go and going "yeah this feels familiar." likewise...well. all of the culprits seem to be struggling in their own way about what can and can't be forgiven and feeling a sense of relief. she knows she can't fully speak on that with the same experience, but she can sort of guess based on her talks with people.
instead, she perks up a little with that.]
I do listen to the things you say. But I was kinda hoping you'd say that. Pretty sure we have a new bar now, too. That wasn't there before today.
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Not particularly surprised. Would've come off as overly optimistic to a fault if I thought every victim would just forgive their killer.
[ Even worse knowing it was an intentional murder, regardless of the motivations. ]
I think the letters will definitely give some kind of push and support to those still on that side. Hopefully. They need to. [ Because man, is everything rancid there all of the time. ] And what news we have... even if bleak, it's still more than nothing. Sitting around with the lack of progress -- that was probably the worst part of it. Just waiting for the weekend to hit, let the cycle start again.
[ But he digresses, absently nodding. ]
Sounds like I came just in time then, for better or worse.
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I can't control how people feel about each other, but I can try to build an environment where we're all getting along as best as we can to keep focused and build each other's hope up for motivation. [some people might just sit down and die if they weren't thrown into things.] So that's what I've been busy with these days.
...morale's bad on the other side. We could see it. I know the overseers are still saying progress is happening but it's slow. We all know the pattern by now, too. New weird effect on Monday, everyone goes crazy for a few days, a task on Wednesday, people returning through the fog on Thursday, people dying Thursday night, investigations of missing friends on Friday and waiting with nothing more to be done, trial during Saturday, and the execution ritual Sunday. There's barely time to break up the misery. So anything we can do, we'll do.
[she casts a look across the lake.]
We could go check it out if you'd like. Make sure the ingredients are there for you later anyway, unless you beat me to it. [she does not mind their morose gazing into the lake, but in case daan would like to walk.]
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[ He can only hum low in acknowledgement at her analysis of the cycle, its breakdown. He's had this conversation before, he's familiar with it and it's horrors. One of the last things he and Karlach mulled about, actually, before they both broke. ]
Had the fortune to look around it a little, but haven't broken it in.
[ They will during party but still. He looks over at her with a slight tilt of his head. ]
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It's what I'm meant to do no matter where or what I am, I think. ["I just want to do everything in my power to help. All of you." on her profile and everything. acknowledging the vicious cycle of scawwy has helped her stay focused, try to prepare for the impact of these hard times, but she knows that sometimes even that isn't enough.
this, however, the aftermath...it's the way he tilts his head that means she steps a little closer and this time she offers him her arm. a reverse of their tour on the island, once, on their way to the beach. they can break the bar in during the party, but a little field trip can't hurt.]
We'll find a good reason to do that this week, maybe. All of us. But I think I'd like to see it before then. Shall we?
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Today, he does though. Polite and spaced, but proper. ]
Only passed in front of it? Thought your curiosity would get the better of you first.
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which is to say the emotion when he does take her arm is the equivalent of a sunburst, quick and bright and settling into warm. let us go.]
Well maybe I wanted to wait for you. Ever think of that? [a light tease, but also real? boothill's been great but she does associate these things with daan.]
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Provided I would show up. But given I'm already here, I suppose I should apologise to keep a young lady waiting.
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You're forgiven. [hehe.] The new bar didn't arrive until this morning. And the old one...[a brief pulse of unease.] It's fine as a bar. I haven't been back for a little while, but it's fine enough.
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[ It's alright. YOU ALL REALLY TALK ABOUT THE OLD BAR LIKE SOMETHING SERIOUSLY AWFUL HAPPENED IN THERE it's so harrowing. ]
Good timing on the replacement too, then?
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she looks ahead as they're walking but she shrugs slightly.]
I don't know how much you've heard about the break-ins people do around here. A few of us were drawn into the bar. It ended poorly, but we got our slate and the bag of parts when it was over. [but there's a nod.] Good timing on the replacement though. I definitely don't mind.
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A little bit. As I understand it, it's similar to the Thursday ventures we experience over there.
Why call them break-ins?
[ Was your bar not available before? ]
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That's right. Similar ideas of going somewhere that changes, a little, and usually does something to try and hurt you physically or emotionally. [just to be brief about it.]
Seemed like a good name. The bar was usually open to us, but when we were there that time the door was locked. Iwatooshi had to break the door handle because Cloud got stuck trying to go through the window.
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[ Sike, no rest for the weary/wicked, whichever one you prefer. ]
...
[ Sorry but he does find that vaguely funny, the idea of Cloud just stuck in a window. He looks like he wants to ask how that happened but it's not important right now and Daan isn't a goblin so he can't. ]
And all of them have been of this sort of nature?
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also he could ask, it's just because cloud's ass was too fat. real.]
Seems like it though. I heard ours escalated a little in nature from the first ones, but theirs weren't very easy either. It's possible the next ones will be harder still, too.
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