Digitalis Old English folklore said that foxes wore the flowers on their paws to silence movement and stealthily stalk prey. Healing, pain, insincerity, insecurity
[trial watch...it will always work out, so she nods and lets the thread go.]
Yeah, I noticed. It's happened to everyone which is even more impressive. [literally fuck off with this nonsense!!] But I guess it helps that I know the person I keep seeing is dead. So...usually helps to remind myself it's not real.
I'd say I was probably better off than most of you. It was pretty busy in my head given everything and all, but I -- weirdly enough -- felt a pervasive sense of odd peace throughout. At least until nightfall hit.
[ When panic overtook everything, CYOA effect included. ]
...I can't decide if I'm glad for that or mad all over again. Like...I don't want you to keep suffering and if anybody could use peace, it's probably you. But getting it that way and having a monster inside of you instead...
It was a bygone conclusion anyway. Just the last straw that broke the horse's back, as they say. [ Or camel but you know. ] Truth be told, it was a long time coming since Prehevil.
I can't really say I'm unsurprised, given the amount of things you experienced and what led you to Prehevil anyway. And then there was everything here week after week. [it's so much of why she was so worried about him after she died.]
...been almost a week here. How do things feel now?
...Not sure. Felt better for a little while, if only because at least I had a slightly clearer head.
[ The ripping loneliness in him was also driving him insane, honestly. SO much time spent pacing and trying not to snap where nobody could see him. His stubbornness in regards to the partnership... although his sudden feeling of loss at the end of W2 definitely kind of solidified for him that he absolutely should not pursue it. ]
Yesterday reminded me that in the end, we're still here.
[yes...sorry about that. she is aware of the loss of partnership thing.]
Having a slightly clearer head is a start. [but...yesterday...very funny i don't think anyone actually told her about the break-ins, so there's some visible confusion there where she seems to be working out he might mean something else.]
We're still here. [...] Did...something in particular remind you?
The incident at the Lakeview Hotel. Had one of those things you call "break-ins" -- you were resting at the time, or so I'd hope.
[ You BETTER have been in BED. ]
...Accidentally left Karlach to die. Unsurprising, since every forced decision I've been made to make for the sake of this place has resulted in their death in the end.
[there's an emotion like worry and regret for missing all of that, because yes, she was resting and having an identity crisis at cloud.]
Ah. I see they picked up again this week. [angy.] ...you said it was an accident, didn't you? I know that doesn't necessarily make it better, but. [...] How bad was it in there?
Writing it off as an accident officially feels disingenuous at best, self-forgiving at worst... but we walked in, and it felt strangely peaceful and calm. We went up to the second floor where we both, presumably, were met with illusions of one of our dead friends. They weren't hostile, but the interior rapidly began deteriorating and attempting to consume us, for lack of a better way to put it.
I tried to leave with Miss Marina, but the elevator only permitted for two at a time, so...
...
Obviously, the illusion of Marina didn't make it out. I should have wised up, we already knew it couldn't be her. But the elevator wouldn't stop back at the second floor again.
anyway she listens to this, and she's frowning a little because she can sort of see his point but also why it'd be disingenuous to call it an accident when a choice was made.]
In those moments, it can be hard to really grasp that the people you're seeing aren't there. Lucas thought he had to kill me again when they went to the museum, and he wasn't even sure until he saw me on the other side. [...] But I suppose knowing that now still doesn't help given it happened at all. There weren't stairs either?
Of course not. It would have been easy if both of you could have saved yourselves. [a stab of annoyance. she hates these break-ins so bad.] Feels a bit pointed to have you forced to make a choice like that after what happened to you last week.
I think some people call that fate. [which. well.] But I believe that. Some things feel like you're making a choice, but it still leads you right to the ending you were trying to work around to begin with. And you wonder if the effort mattered at all.
[i. definitely replied to this where the fuck did the tag go??
anyway she opens her mouth like she wants to argue, but then she seems to realize there are a few people she knows who really maybe are not great to leave alone so she reconsiders this.]
That's a pretty low bar, but I get it. Maybe we should try to raise the standard just a little in the future?
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Yeah, I noticed. It's happened to everyone which is even more impressive. [literally fuck off with this nonsense!!] But I guess it helps that I know the person I keep seeing is dead. So...usually helps to remind myself it's not real.
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[ When panic overtook everything, CYOA effect included. ]
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[the monkey's paw curled.]
None of these have really made me happy.
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It was a bygone conclusion anyway. Just the last straw that broke the horse's back, as they say. [ Or camel but you know. ] Truth be told, it was a long time coming since Prehevil.
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...been almost a week here. How do things feel now?
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[ The ripping loneliness in him was also driving him insane, honestly. SO much time spent pacing and trying not to snap where nobody could see him. His stubbornness in regards to the partnership... although his sudden feeling of loss at the end of W2 definitely kind of solidified for him that he absolutely should not pursue it. ]
Yesterday reminded me that in the end, we're still here.
[ In the bad way. ]
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Having a slightly clearer head is a start. [but...yesterday...very funny i don't think anyone actually told her about the break-ins, so there's some visible confusion there where she seems to be working out he might mean something else.]
We're still here. [...] Did...something in particular remind you?
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[ You BETTER have been in BED. ]
...Accidentally left Karlach to die. Unsurprising, since every forced decision I've been made to make for the sake of this place has resulted in their death in the end.
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Ah. I see they picked up again this week. [angy.] ...you said it was an accident, didn't you? I know that doesn't necessarily make it better, but. [...] How bad was it in there?
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I tried to leave with Miss Marina, but the elevator only permitted for two at a time, so...
...
Obviously, the illusion of Marina didn't make it out. I should have wised up, we already knew it couldn't be her. But the elevator wouldn't stop back at the second floor again.
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anyway she listens to this, and she's frowning a little because she can sort of see his point but also why it'd be disingenuous to call it an accident when a choice was made.]
In those moments, it can be hard to really grasp that the people you're seeing aren't there. Lucas thought he had to kill me again when they went to the museum, and he wasn't even sure until he saw me on the other side. [...] But I suppose knowing that now still doesn't help given it happened at all. There weren't stairs either?
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[ His attempt at finding different solutions... failed... ]
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[ The illusion...... ]
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[ Yeah, sounds about right with his life. ]
Anyway... I'll be fine if you'll be fine.
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Guess that depends on your definition of fine, doesn't it? But I want you to be fine.
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anyway she opens her mouth like she wants to argue, but then she seems to realize there are a few people she knows who really maybe are not great to leave alone so she reconsiders this.]
That's a pretty low bar, but I get it. Maybe we should try to raise the standard just a little in the future?
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I know there are some people who can be happy alone, but I do always wonder if it's real happiness or just acceptance.
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Mr. Kanda might be close to it?
[ Is this a joke? Unsure. ]
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He talks a big game, but I don't think he does as well as he thinks when he's really by himself. But he's close, I'll give you that.
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